Shaded Heart

On opposite glass I see her walking
silently past my life; a graceful ghost
floating slowly as if searching, wanting,
haunting this dilapidated soul.

Her face is golden and her skin
inviting to palms moist with tears.
Lifeless veils cover her pleading eyes
and guard closely that perilous path.

Suddenly, she turns her face toward me
glancing, her mouth opening so slightly,
as if a lover had whispered her name
or stroked those ebony strands.

I stand frozen, immobilized as her silhouette
burns against my unrelenting desire.
My mind races for one brazen act in life
as she smiles softly at her timely reflection.

Breathe. Taking in the air
Silent intoxication here
Streaming through my veins
Bleeding out my tears
A forced sigh of discomfort

Speak. Nothing to be said
An evil silence spreads
Dying slowly to myself
Trying not to think aloud
Another second creeps on by

Feel. Numbness takes control
A pain that killed a soul
Escaping through my hands
Taping up the wounds
The dark consumes the fire

Die. Struggle for the life
This long and lonely strife
Crying to gods not there
Fearing what a moment brings
My heart never feels a beat

Walking around the room again
Doing circles in my head
Forgot to eat today again
Wondering if I’m dead

Music playing loud again
Lyrics make me cry
Didn’t sleep another night again
No reason to try

Not picking up the phone again
It’s not you anyway
Writing in my book again
You’ll probably throw away

Crying all alone again
Nothing stops the tears
Dying all alone again
You are all my fears

Thoughts are softly seeping through my brain
Violent stares at baron walls again
These desperate rings are ringing through my head
Wondering if I could really be this dead

Repulsive sounds now take on form
Reciting how I could ever be this torn
Acid tears are keeping me from sleep
With thoughts of things I dare not repeat

Broken words pierce through the heart
I’m holding in yet I’m falling apart
Selfdestruct at the wheel of my car
How could you set me this far?

Midnight air thickens and I struggle to breathe
Falling tears wash away the memories
And the sounding beat spells out pain
While every moment reminds me of you

My face hits my hands and I bury the thought
And I wish for a fire long since gone now
The cold is welcomed but now I’m freezing
And I yearn for a dry place to rest

Slowly the storms rise with eventual death
And the darkness eclipses your sun
So I gasp with fear and sigh a resolve
And I cry until the rain goes away

In a world of no forgiveness
In a realm of many tears
In this sphere of sorrows
And of relentless fears

In a place of no tomorrow
You can only find today
And you live in your past
Where your life seems astray

There’s a place of loving
A perfected conceal
Where everything is peaceful
And your dreams become real

If you’d only let me love you
I’d show you the way
To my small piece of heaven
Where forever you can stay

If you’d put your past behind you
And gave to me today
Tomorrow we’ll face together
If it could only be this way

You say that you know me
But you have yet to see
You think you’ve got me figured out
But I’m forced to disagree

Confide to me your darkness
And I will give you my light
Tell me your deep regressions
And I’ll still love you tonight

Can you grasp my love for you
You must know it is real
And when you keep things from me
Pain is all I can feel

In hurt and fear my mind is caught
Up the volume to drown my thought
Though the sound burn my ears
It’s not enough to hide my tears

Your words can hurt like a knife
Your words make up my simple life
Was all I said lost in vain?
Are my actions consumed by pain?

Constant reminder of my mistake
This futile game which I partake
Can’t you let my errors go?
Maybe then you’ll start to know

History itself does not repeat
Our future now is not concrete
But the present is something I know
I’d love you if you’d let me show

I hope this feeling does not last
I hope someday you will contrast
You’re different and you know it too
I plan to see this one through

In the shade of night
You hide amidst the trees
Broken from a passing thought
That never left your mind

The lifeless colour of grey and black
Haunt me like a photograph
A story behind our stilled result
With inanimate emotion swirled

The colourless stain of blood
From a heart broken with tears
Left open and cold for all
Screaming for a soothing hand

A lighted array of thought
Tainted with insecurity and desire
Of that love I once felt
That I sent but never received

I find myself lonely but not alone
Surrounded by pain and sorrow
Washing in a pool of self pity
Dirtied by a broken heart

Forbidden fruits encompass me
Tempting me with their beauty
Promising a fresh new life
So I hold them without tasting

Thoughts race through my mind
Memories and regrets I hold
Emotions distilled by hate
But I try not to fall down

The sun never did shine
Only light comes from within
But the night is suppressing
And I love and hate you

As I wade into deeper sorrow
My tears begin to drown me
And if these tears were yours
I wouldn’t mind death

Now I am lost to begin
And the oceans swell high
So I capsize my own boat
And my face pleads a resolve

In this quiet suppression
I slowly begin to fade
Muffled by the darkness
Eventually life is paid

A tear shatters the silence
Of what you thought was real
Engulfed in my own sorrows
No longer want to feel

The morrow proves no better
I’m better left behind
Falling out of myself
To never again find

But you could have it all
The nothingness I hold
I won’t keep it from you
My life is already sold

Voices cry out with pity
They run within my ears
They could never understand
They’ll never know my tears