Shaded Heart

Shadows I cast in light
Veil my hope for love
But I’m blind to life
As my heart sees you

Stumbling through darkness
Not to find my vision
But to gain my love
And hold her closer still

Memories escape me
Those simple, dull seconds
And my passionate moments
Confused now with dreams

Dreaming always of you
The sick and the sweet
Always beautiful to mind
Always tourment to soul

Oceans pour out a painful cry
Bearing the distance of our love
Knowing that with waters so blue
They keep me from your cerulean eyes

Restless nights bring no comfort
As each hour is spent in memories
Enthralled in such sweetened moments
Wanting desperately for the next

The picture frame beside my bed
Holds this lifeless image of you
That seems to somehow come alive
At the sounding of your voice

Midnight air thickens and I struggle to breathe
Falling tears wash away the memories
And the sounding beat spells out pain
While every moment reminds me of you

My face hits my hands and I bury the thought
And I wish for a fire long since gone now
The cold is welcomed but now I’m freezing
And I yearn for a dry place to rest

Slowly the storms rise with eventual death
And the darkness eclipses your sun
So I gasp with fear and sigh a resolve
And I cry until the rain goes away

When the days become long and hot
And the sun again shows no mercy
The thought is burned into my head
The memory of my summer past

The painful ones I’d rather forget
These better ones I hardly know
My broken thoughts have pulled together
Time has slowly found its way

Well I bet you never understood
I’m guessing you were that blind
The things you did to kill my heart
When I needed you the most

The times when I would fight at home
Those days I bet you never cared
Did you care enough to look inside?
Pain was swelling in my eyes

My self had become lost in me
My soul had become unclear
Did you see the loss in me?
You never tried to help me find

When I only needed someone to hold
You went and ripped yourself away
When I was weak you struck me down
Did you ever even understand?

Even when I was falling after you
Did you catch me before I hit?
The nights I cried over my loss
I bet you never knew about those

But when I hit I stood right up
Hand by hand climbed out of pain
Now you want what you always had
What you selfishly gave away

I won’t let you drag me down again
I’m bruised but I’m not beaten
And this isn’t a hate letter, oh no
This is merely an explanation

In this deep and quiet suppression
I find myself alone with my thoughts
A matrix of burning emotions
Entangled in the thought of you

I’ve had my share of bad days
Paid in full with hate for you
You left me here without a reason
Your absence speaking all you felt

As my fall became sincere
I turned away from the pain
And thought I knew I’d be missed
I left with my final good-bye

Now that I’ve found another
You’re wanting back what you gave away
All we had and all we know
Lost in the memory of tomorrow

I’m sitting here alone again
Writing another poem about you
Waiting for the phone to ring
But wishing you wouldn’t call

These help me to remember
How sweet your love really was
Even though words aren’t enough
They spark the memories of you

Even though you’re long gone
I can still feel you here today
Every letter pressed tells a story
Every line a dream of you

An outlet to my feelings
That I’m too afraid to show
A prison for my mind
A book of lies I call dreams

So I’ll lock these thoughts away
Bury them deep within my soul
A burden to my broken heart
A way to make me strong again

I find myself lonely but not alone
Surrounded by pain and sorrow
Washing in a pool of self pity
Dirtied by a broken heart

Forbidden fruits encompass me
Tempting me with their beauty
Promising a fresh new life
So I hold them without tasting

Thoughts race through my mind
Memories and regrets I hold
Emotions distilled by hate
But I try not to fall down

The sun never did shine
Only light comes from within
But the night is suppressing
And I love and hate you

As I wade into deeper sorrow
My tears begin to drown me
And if these tears were yours
I wouldn’t mind death

Now I am lost to begin
And the oceans swell high
So I capsize my own boat
And my face pleads a resolve